


The Simple Life

by GracefulTrenchcoat494



Series: Dean Winchester's New Beginning [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abused Dean Winchester, Abusive John Winchester, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Castiel (Supernatural), BAMF Claire Novak, BAMF Crowley, BAMF Dean Winchester, BAMF Donna Hanscum, BAMF Jody Mills, BAMF Lucifer (Supernatural), BAMF Rowena MacLeod, BAMF Sam Winchester, Bad Parent John Winchester, Bad Parent Mary Winchester, Bisexual Dean Winchester, British Men of Letters Being Assholes, Castiel (Supernatural) Deserves Better, Chuck Shurley is God, Dean Winchester Deserves to be Happy, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Dean Winchester is Loved, Dean Winchester-centric, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Fluff, Gen, Genius Dean Winchester, Good Lucifer (Supernatural), Homophobia, Homophobic John Winchester, Homophobic Language, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, John Winchester Being an Asshole, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Mary Winchester Bashing, Men of Letters Bunker, Misunderstood Dean Winchester, Misunderstood Lucifer (Supernatural), Nice Crowley (Supernatural), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parental Jody Mills, Protective Castiel, Protective Claire Novak, Protective Crowley, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Lucifer, Protective Rowena MacLeod, Protective Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester Deserves to be Happy, Sassy Claire Novak, Sassy Rowena MacLeod, Sick Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2019-08-28 23:54:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16733061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GracefulTrenchcoat494/pseuds/GracefulTrenchcoat494
Summary: Dean Winchester.Known to some as the most dangerous hunter alive. Known to some as a best friend or a big brother. Known to some as an ally or an enemy. Known to no one as who he truly is deep down inside. He hides who he is, for the fear of being abandoned and hated by his loved ones. So what happens when he finally breaks? What will happen when his walls crumble and fall, his true self being revealed to everyone? This is just the start of Dean Winchester's New Beginning.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fanfiction I've ever written. I hope you enjoy! Feedback is always appreciated!
> 
> Warnings: language, homophobia in future chapters, violence, angst, other things to be added.
> 
> Disclaimer: Supernatural is not mine no matter how much I wish it was. This is for entertainment purposes only.
> 
> Author's Note: If you see this '---' it means the start and end of a flashback. Flashbacks will be in Italics.

 

Dean Winchester was enjoying his day off.

 

He was just about to start a binge session, but he couldn't decide what he wanted to watch yet. Maybe he'll watch some good ol' Dr. Sexy. Or Game of Thrones.

 

"Licorice? Check, pizza? Check, beer? Check. What else do I need? Pie! How could I forget the pie?" Dean was getting everything ready. You can have a binge session without the food, can you?

 

While Dean was looking for the pie, Sam decided to pop in the kitchen. He unknowingly ruined Dean's day off with only three words.

 

     

 

"So, get this. A man was found dea-" " No."

 

"What do you mean 'no'?" Sam sputtered. "I mean no, Sam, no cases. Today is my day off."

 

"Day off?"

 

"Yep."

 

Sam sighed, "Dean, we don't have a 'day off' were hunters, we work 24/7."

 

Dean didn't say anything, instead opting for glaring at his not so little, little brother as he continued to look for the pie for his binge session.

 

"Anyways," Sam started "A man was found tied up and tortured in his apartment. After he was taken to the ER, he claims his boyfriend was his torturer. But, his boyfriend has a solid alibi. He was at a bar, having some drinks with his friends. I managed to find a picture of the vic."

 

Sam showed Dean the picture of the victim. It was pretty blurry, but Dean could make out the figure of a man, it looked like he was covered in blood.

 

Dean made a face "wow, my binge session ended before it even started, new record Sammy, thanks." Sam smirked as Dean dropped the pie he finally managed to find onto the table, his appetite lost.

 

"So you won't mind checking out this case then, do you?" Dean sighed " where is it?"

 

"Urbandale, Iowa."

 

* * *

 

 

"You owe me a binge session, Sam." Dean grumbled as he exited baby, still upset over losing his binge time.

 

"Yeah, whatever dude. Come on." Sam was eager to do this hunt, and it was starting to get on Dean's nerves.

 

"Alright alright, jeez. Just let me text Cas to come meet us later to discuss the case, bitch." Dean was tired, he wanted to get this over and done already. He sent a quick text to Cas and put his phone away.

 

"Jerk." Sam smiled "oh and uh, by the way Cas won't be the only one helping us, I called someone." Sam smiled dropped and he started to wince, hoping that Dean won't get upset over who he called.

 

Dean frowned, "who did you-" before he could get the sentence out, a familiar voice cut through. "Hey boys," Dean spun around, the sight of Mary Winchester greeted him. His frown deepened.

 

Sam noticed Dean's frown and spoke before Dean could. "Hey Mom!" He went to hug her, albeit a little awkwardly, the last time they saw Mary was still a little fresh in his mind.

 

"Hey, Sam" Mary responded, hugging her son back. When they pulled away, Mary caught sight of her eldest son.

 

"Hey Dean," "Mary."

 

It was a clipped response, and he called her by her first name, but Dean didn't care. He wasn't sure why Sam called _her_ , the way she treated them last time. How she blatantly didn't care about how he and Sam felt about the whole Amara bringing her back situation. It was only about how she felt.

 

\---

 

_Dean heard the almost silent footsteps approach. He already knew who it was before they opened their mouth. "Um, Dean?" The voice of the Mary Winchester filtered into the room. Dean mentally sighed, expecting another one of her uncomfortable and weird questions about his and Sam's childhood and about their father, John Winchester._

 

_"Yeah Mom?" Dean answered, only to freeze when he turned around and saw the duffel bags at her feet."Whaddya need?" He saw his Mother hesitate to answer, but when she did he wished she never opened her mouth._

 

_"I'm leaving."_

 

\---

 

"Anyways!" Sam clapped, trying to fill the silence and clear the tension. "Did Cas text back?"

 

"Yeah, he said he would meet us back at the motel after we took a look at the crime scene." Dean wanted nothing more than to go back to the bunker, let Sam and Mary do this case.

 

Sam nodded, "Okay, well lets go ahead and check out the crime scene!" Sam was using false cheerfulness to try and get Dean in a good mood, but it wasn't working.

 

"Ok, Sam and Dean, you can go talk to the witness. I got it here at the crime scene." Mary got into hunter mode and was jumping to tell them what to do. Dean on the other hand, was not amused.

 

"Woah, hold on. That's not how we do things here." Dean was annoyed and getting angry. Who did she think she was? Coming over here and bossing them around like was some drill sergeant. Acting like John, someone who Dean realized wasn't what he thought. He's realizing the same thing with Mary.

 

_Why can't I just catch a break?_ The question rang through Dean's mind. He wanted nothing to do with this hunt from the get go, and now he's just getting more frustrated by the second.

 

\---

 

_"What?" Dean questioned. Did he hear her right? She's leaving?_

 

_Before Mary could open her mouth and repeat what she said Dean spoke up again. "Why?" Mary sighed, she knew this was coming. "I just need some time to process everything. I already talked to Sam, he's upset but he understands."_

 

_Dean was overall confused and hurt. Why does Mary need time to process? He doesn't understand._

 

_Mary seemed to tell what he was thinking, because she quickly sopke again. "It's just...when I last saw you Dean, you were only 4 years old. Sam was only 6 months...and it's...overwhelming. Now you and Sam are grown men. Older than me and I just need some space to mourn." Mary snapped her mouth shut after she said that, not meaning to reveal that much of her thoughts._

 

_"Mourn? Why do you need to mourn anything? Sam and I aren't dead, Mom." Dean challenged, wanting to know why his Mother would say such a thing. He was starting to get angry._

 

_"Well- it's...I just" Mary stuttered. She was starting to get a little frustrated. Couldn't Dean just understand? Sam does._

 

_Mary sighed, she seemed to be doing that a lot recently. "Dean," she started. "What I am trying to say is...my Sam and Dean that I remember are still little children and they're gone now. So...I need time to mourn and remember them."_

 

_Dean Winchester felt his heart shatter into pieces._

 

\---

 

"I'll talk to the witnes alone, Sam can help you look at the crime scene." Dean is absolutely done. Before Sam or Mary can say anything, he walks back to baby, shuts her door and drives off to the house of the witness.

 

* * *

 

 

Julia Marks was the name of the witness. She was the victim's older sister. She was the one after who found her little brother, Daniel Marks tied up bleeding to death.

 

Dean knocked on the door of the small house. A few seconds later the door opened, revealing a woman in her mid 20's with light brown hair and blue eyes. Her face was covered in tear tracks, and her hair was tangled. She looked like she hadn't eaten in days.

 

Julia looked at Dean with curiosity, "May I help you?" Her voice was horse, like she had been crying for hours.

 

Dean flashed his FBI badge. "Yes I'm Agent Plant-" before Dean could finish, Julia spoke up "I already talked to the cops." Dean gave a patient sigh, "yeah well, it's just standard double checking. To make sure they didn't leave anything out."

 

Julia nodded, then after a couple of seconds she opened her door. "Well, come in then." Dean gave her a fake smile "thanks," Julia nodded in return. As they walked to her living room, Julia filled the silence. "Do you want anything to drink?" Dean answered as he sat down, "uh, water please. If you don't mind."

 

Julia nodded again and walked into her kitchen. Dean looked around, he noticed some pictures on the wall. One picture in particular, looked to be of Julia's family. As Dean stared at the picture he felt as if their happy smiles were mocking him.

 

\---

 

_Dean was shattered and and furious at the same time. He felt as if he was suffocating in anger. "What the hell, Mom? You know your not the only victim in this right? That Sam and I aren't doing so well either? You were dead for over 30 fucking years, and now 'poof' your back."_

 

_Mary felt her frustration rise up like a volcano about to erupt." I never asked to be brought back, Dean! My Sam and Dean are dead, and it's sure as hell ain't my fault. If anyone in the victim here it's me! I can't look at you guys anymore, not without seeing my Sam and Dean."_

 

_Dean squeezed his eyes shut as he felt a tear run down his face. "Then leave" he whispered. How dare she? Is she really that selfish, that she thinks that its impossible for her to be wrong?_

 

_"What?"_

 

_"I said LEAVE! If don't want to be here any more, than go! So you don't have to be reminded of your dead children. So you can mourn."_

 

_"Dean I-" " get out, Mary."_

 

\---

 

"Here."

 

Dean snapped back into focus as Julia handed him the water. "Thanks," Julia nodded "No problem." As Dean took a drink, all he could taste was ash. "So if you don't mind, what happened when you found Daniel?"

 

Julia gave a watery sigh. "It's alright, I don't mind. Um, I was going over to return this book he let me borrow. I, uhh knocked, and no one answered" Julia swallowed. "Then I...I heard what sounded like crying, but it was all muffled. So then, I took out the key he gave me in case of emergencies and I unlocked the door."

 

Julia stopped and started to sniffle. Dean gave her an encouraging nod "it's alright" he reasured her, "Just take your time." Julia wiped at her eyes, "thanks" she whispered. Then, she cleared her throat and continued on with her story.

 

"I stepped inside and closed the door behind me. When I was walking into the living room, I was about to call out for Daniel, then I saw him. He was...was tied up in a chair. He was covered in blood and...um there were words...car-carved into hi-him an-an-and-" Julia cut herself off as she bursted into sobs.

 

Dean got up and sat next to Julia as she cried. "Hey hey hey, shh. It's alright" Dean consoled. He sat there with Julia, rubbing her back and trying to soothe her.

 

After about half an hour, Julia began to calm down "sorry" she apologized. "But I can't..." Dean nodded, he understood. "Thank you for what you were able to tell me." He started as he got up, "it helps a lot." He pulled one of his business cards out of his pocket " if you are able to talk more, you can contact me with this."

 

Julia took the card with a slightly shaky hand. "Thanks" she smiled. It's was Dean's turn to nod as he left her house "no problem." Dean walked back to baby and got in.

 

He sighed as he gripped baby's steering wheel, getting lost in his own thoughts.

 

\---

 

_Dean felt all the fight leave him as he spoke. He wanted Mary gone, so he can be alone to think._

 

_"Dean..." Mary started, she countinued when Dean didn't say anything. "I'm glad you understand that I need time. I hope you realize that I am not just a mother. That you aren't a child. You don't need me and I can't be here anymore. Half of the time I feel sick."_

 

_Dean felt deflated as he spoke. "I was never a child." He looked at Mary in the eye, "I had to be a mother and a father for Sam. While your husband was off getting drunk and falling into an obsession."_

 

_"John did nothing wro-" "just please leave."_

 

_"Okay."_

 

_Mary smiled as she picked up her bags and walked up to the door. "Thank you, Dean."_

 

_All Dean heard was an echo of the bunker door shutting in his head as tears streamed freely down his face._

 

_\---_

 

His phone was ringing.

 

With a sigh, Dean picked up his phone with the realization that he left it in the car. He rolled his eyes as he read the caller ID.

 

_Sam._

 

Dean held the phone in his hand. Waiting. When it stopped ringing, he sent a text to Cas.

 

_Dean: On my way back to the motel._

 

He tossed his phone onto the seat next to him, starting up baby. Dean gave a small smirk as he listened to baby purr. Praying to God that he would be able to make it through this hunt.

 

Not that Chuck is listening anyways.

  
  
  
  
  



	2. Castiel is here to help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel shares what he found while Dean has another trip down memory lane. Mary doesn't know how to not make things worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update. School took up most of my time and I was finding it a bit hard writing this one. Sorry if you find it short.
> 
> Warnings: homophobia, homophobic language, language, Violence, child abuse.
> 
> It was hard writing in the homophobic language. I couldn't imagine ever saying those things to another person.
> 
> Disclaimer: Supernatural isn't mine. No matter how much I wish it was.
> 
> If you see this '---' it means a flashback. Flashbacks will be in italics.
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated! Enjoy the Chapter!

 

Castiel looked down at his phone as he got the message from Dean, sending a quick reply before going back to reaserching where the shifter (after his little 'visit' with Daniel Marks' boyfriend Aaron Trent, he came to the conclusion this being a shifter case) would strike next.

 

_Dean: On my way back to the motel._

 

_Cas: Okay. See you soon._

 

So far, Cas has found out that before Daniel there was another torture victim. Her name was Laina Dunn. Fortunately, she survived. But she is paralyzed from the waist down because of nerve damage.

 

When Laina Dunn was interviewed, she claims she was attacked by her mother, Karen Dunn. She said that her mom called her a 'whorish dyke' and othe derogatory names, then proceeded to attack her. Karen Dunn said that she did no such things, and that she loves her daughter for who she is.

 

Unfortunately for Karen, her prints were found at the crime scene and she was sentenced to life in prison.

 

_Knock! Knock!_

 

Cas jumped at the sudden noise, grabbed his angel blade and headed to the door. He opened it slowly while tightening his grip on the blade. "Hey Cas" a voice piped up. Cas relaxed when he realized it was Sam, but he tensed up again when he noticed Mary.

 

Sam sighed as he watched Cas stare at Mary. "Could you, uhh, let us in? Please." Sam spoke up, snapping Cas out of his trance "yeah." He opened the door all the way and stepped back, giving them room.

 

Cas stared at them both of them. Noticing a certain someone missing from the group. "Where's Dean?" He questioned as he sat back down at the small table. Mary tensed a bit and Sam sighed. Before Sam could answer, the purr of the impala sounded out side the motel room. "I guess that answers your question, then." Mary snapped as she walked to bathroom and shut the door.

 

Castiel tilted his head, "What happened?" Sam shook his head, about to reply when there was a knock at the door. "Cas, open up! It's me" Dean's muffled shout came through the motel door. Cas got up and opened the door, letting Dean in.

 

As Dean walked in, he headed straight for the bed closest to the door. He pulled his duffel onto the bed and opened it, grabbing out the bottle of whiskey. He opened the whiskey, taking a long drink from the bottle, before capping it and letting out a long sigh. "You okay?" It was Sam that asked, walking over to Dean with a look of concern.

 

Castiel was analyzing Dean, watching him with a look of observation. The way Dean's body was filled with tension, how tired he looked. "How was the crime scene?" Castiel asked Sam, trying to take the attention off of Dean so he could relax.

 

Dean spaced off while Sam and Cas talked, the conversation with Julia Marks still ringing in his head. He was barely able to make it to the motel, the startling realization of what happened to Daniel Marks hit him on the way back, it never really sunk in until now.

 

_"H_ _e was covered in blood and..."_

 

The conversation kept playing in Dean's head, over and over. He felt like he was going mad. He couldn't make any sense-

 

_"there were words...car-carved into hi-him an-an-and-"_

 

Dean's eyes snapped open at the sudden realisation of what happened. 

 

_That. Sick. Fuck._

 

When he finds the son of a bitch that tortured Daniel Marks, they're going to regret ever existing. Dean swears on that.

 

"-and I found another victim before Daniel Marks." Cas' voice cut through Dean's inner monologue, causing him to snap his head towards them. "What?" Dean's voice came out harsh and sudden, causing Sam to jump a little.

 

Castiel sighed, "I found another victim. Her name is Laina Dunn." He said as he sat back down, pulling up what he found on Laina Dunn. "Is?" Sam questioned, "So she's still alive?" Cas nodded, "Yes, but Unfortunately Laina Dunn is paralyzed from the waist down from nerve damage when she was attacked."

 

Dean started to grit his teeth, "Who attacked her?" Cas averted his eyes from the duo "Her Mother" he responded.

 

_\---_

 

_17 year old Dean Winchester smiled like a fool in love at the boy next to him. Hell, he probably was. "I uhh, really had a great time, Matt" Dean spoke, a blush creeping up his neck. Matt smiled in return, "Me too. Maybe we could do this again? I really like you Dean." Dean's smiled got wider as happiness sparkled in his green eyes. "I like you too" when he spoke, his voice came out as a whisper even though he was full of beaming energy on the inside._

 

_Matt's grin was the only warning Dean got before he was suddenly pulled into a kiss, Matt's hands found their way to his hips. Dean instantly started kissing back, cupping Matt's face with his hands._

 

_The kiss was soft and slow. To Dean, it felt like a fire in his gut was just ignited. His entire body felt like electricity was running through his veins. He felt like all his worries were thrown away. He forgot all about hunting. All just from one kiss._

 

_It didn't last much longer though, for a familiar purring and car horn caused him and Matt to jump away from each other._

 

_Dean looked over and saw the impala parked some yards away from them. The color drained from his face as he watched his father jump out of the car, his face emitting pure fury._

 

_"Son of a bitch."_

 

_\---_

 

Dean was blinking rapidly, trying to shove the horrid memory back down into the shithole it popped out of. "Fuck," he cursed. He grabbed at his head, starting to feel nauseous.

 

Sam and Cas looked over in concern, the sound of a door opening stopped them from saying anything as Mary cleared her throat. "What's going on?" She questioned, her eyes settling on Sam. "Cas was telling us what he found so far," Sam supplied.

 

Mary's face was unreadable as she sat down on the other motel bed. She motioned with her hands, "well, continue on." Cas nodded as he started up. "Well, it says that the previous victim Laina Dunn was in her home she shared with her partner. It was their 7 month anniversary and she was planning a surprise dinner for her. Laina's mother, Karen knocked at the door, claiming that she just wanted to talk for a bit and asked if Laina had the time." Cas took a breath.

 

"She let her mother in and they sat down to talk. One thing led to another and Karen started to call her daughter derogatory names. The only one mentioned is Laina being called a - and I quote - 'whorish dyke'. When she was tourtured, her 'mother' went mainly for the legs and the slashes damaged her extremely bad. Causing the paralyzation." Castiel looked at the others, gauging their reactions. The worst was Dean's. His face was emotionless.

 

\---

 

_Dean looked over at Matt with a panic strike face, "you need to leave, Matt." Dean started to push him back to his car. "What? What's going on Dean? Who is that guy?" Matt was confused for the life of him. He was also concerned for Dean. Who is the stranger? And why does Dean seem scared of him?_

 

_Dean shook his head. "Please, Matt. Leave. Before you end up getting hurt." He looked back and saw his dad was on their tail. "Why Dean? Please just tell me what's wrong. Was it something I did?" Matt was planting his feet to the ground, taking advantage of the extra two inches of height he had on Dean._

 

_Dean felt a tear run down his face as he tried to push Matt towards his car. "No, Matt. You did nothing wrong. I'm trying to save you." Matt shook his head, "from what?" Dean swollowed,_

 

_"My father."_

 

_"Wha-"_

 

_Before Matt could finish, Dean spoke again. "Please just go. You don't know what will happen if you stay."_

 

_"But Dea-"_

 

_"Matt please."_

 

_"...Fine."_

 

_As Matt got in his car, A shout could be heard across the street "DEAN!" Looking back, Dean saw his father closer than he thought he was. What felt like only a second to spare, Dean grabbed at Matt and pulled him in for a quick kiss, before pulling back and shutting his car door._

 

_"Bye" Dean mouthed, giving Matt a weak smile._

 

_Just as Matt started up his car and pulled away from the sidewalk, Dean felt someone snatch the back of his shirt, causing his to stumble back. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" A voice hissed in his ear._

 

_Dean was screwed._

 

_\---_

 

A scoff brought Dean back to reality. Looking up from the stain on the carpet he was focused on while strolling through his crappy past, he saw Mary making a face at what Cas said. "Really? She just took the beating from her 'mom'? Didn't fight back or anything?"

 

Dean's rage starting piling as Mary spoke. He was pissed. How could she be so heartless? You look up to your parents. Most kids want to be like their parents when they grow up. So how would it feel if your role model, the person you looked up to since day one, starting abusing you for who you are? How would it feel if they put you down farther than the dirt under their shoes?

 

Mary hasn't experienced anything that terrible.

 

Dean has.

 

\---

 

_Dean started to squirm in his father's grip, trying to free himself. John's grip only tightened as he repeated his question. "I said, what the fuck are you doing boy?"_

 

_Dean screwed his eyes shut as he tried to calm his nerves. Regret started flowing through his body._

 

_He knew that he should've walked back to the motel after the date; he didn't want to get caught. Matt insisted taking him back, claiming that it would be ungentlemen like of him to let Dean walk back in the cold alone. After a couple minutes of protesting, Dean eventually gave in. He was holding on to the hope that John would still be gone by the time Matt dropped him off._

 

_'_ _I should've just walked' he thought._

 

_'I should've just-'_

 

_"Answer me, boy!" John's voice viciously cut through Dean's mental berate. "Nothing" He finally answered, his voice shaky as tears threatened to spill over his eyes. "I was doing nothing, sir."_

 

_All of the sudden Dean was pushed to the ground. He stumbled as his palms scratched the concrete ground. "Liar!" John shouted as he kicked Dean in his stomach, causing him to fall completely to the ground._

 

_Dean groaned in pain as John kept yelling at him. "I saw you kissing that boy." John yelled, "Get up!" Dean slowly rose to his feet, clutching his stomach in pain. He started at his father in pain, "sir, I-" he was soon cut off as John slammed his fist into Dean's face, causing him to fall back over onto his side._

 

_What caused Dean to finally start crying wasn't the pain flowing through him, it was the words that came out of John's mouth like venom._

 

_"You don't get to speak unless told to, you understand? You're not my son anymore. You're just a disappointment. I feel disgusted just looking at you, you stupid fag. You're not a Winchester. Winchester's aren't queers. If I didn't need someone to look after Sam, I would dump your queer ass here and leave you." John continuously beated on Dean as he spoke._

 

_A sob that Dean tried to hide broke through his lips, causing John to laugh. "Aww, Is the little pansy crying?" He landed one more kick to Dean before stopping, "get your gay ass up, boy." He said before walking to their motel room and entering, leaving Dean alone outside._

 

_Dean sat on the sidewalk for a good half hour, sobbing as his whole body ached in immense pain. The only reason he waited to go inside was because he didnt want Sammy to see him like how he was._

 

_Dean didn't want Sammy to see him as weak._

 

_\---_

 

"Dean." Cas said, peering at him with concern. "Are you okay?" 

 

Dean shook his head to clear his thoughts. He was trying to shove the terrible memories away to the very back of his mind. "Yeah," he held his head in his hands. "I just - I feel a little lightheaded, is all,"

 

That got Sam to look over, " Dean, you sure you're good?" Dean barely nodded as Mary scoffed again, "I'm sure he's fine. Probably just being a little overdramatic." She mumbled the last part under her breath. Unfortunately for her, it didn't go unnoticed.

 

Cas glared at Mary, "no one asked you for your opinion, Mary. Just like no one asked to come on this hunt. You input it when you think everyone needs it, when in reality, no one does." That got a small, weak chuckle out of Dean as Mary gave a small gasp.

 

"For your information, Castiel, Sam asked me to come on this hunt. And I don't need your crap." Mary got defensive as Cas spoke. "Well, Dean doesn't need your crap either. If you're just going to be a bitch the whole time, then you can leave."

 

Mary sneered at him, "at least I'm not a _monster_. I'm an actual human unlike you." 

 

"With the way you're acting, I'd say you're far from human." Cas' gaze was stone cold on her.

 

When Mary opened her mouth to retaliate, Sam got fed up. "Enough with the back and forth!" He shouted, not noticing Dean flinch. "That was uncalled for, Mom. Maybe you do need to leave. We can handle it without you."

 

Mary snorted, "if you thought you could handle it, then you wouldn't have called me. I'm not leaving this case, Sam. You guys are gonna have to work with me, or leave yourselves." She glared at them.

 

Everyone was surprised when Dean spoke; they forgot he was there. "We aren't leaving this case, Mary. I want that son of a bitch dead by my hands." Dean's voice was slightly shaky. He stared Mary dead in the eye as he got up from the floor, he didn't even realize he sat down there. He must've been deeper in his mind than he thought.

 

Dean went and grabbed the keys to baby off the table. "I'm going out. Don't wait up." His hands were shaking as he opened the motel door and shut it after him.

 

Cas sighed as he watched the door after Dean left. "Do you mind going to talk to Laina Dunn, Sam? I am going to stay here and try and find a lead on the shapeshifter." Sam shook his head, "not at all." He gave a sigh, "come on, Mom."

 

Mary followed Sam out the door, an unusual smirk on her face as she left.

 

Cas heaved another sigh. "I'm getting too old for this." He opened the laptop and started typing.

 

He only hoped that everything was going to be fine.

 

But when was luck ever on their side?

  
  
  


  
  



	3. Old Friends and New Enemies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean runs into an old friend, one that might not be the same as he thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boom! Chapter 3 is out! I hope you enjoy. Feedback is always appreciated!
> 
> Warnings: violence, language, homophobia.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural. No matter how cool it would be if I did
> 
> Flashbacks are in italics!
> 
> Once again, I hope you enjoy the chapter! I'll try to get chapter 4 up soon!

 

 

Dean downed another shot of whiskey. He sat the glass down and motioned for the bartender for another; glancing at the clock as he sighed.

 

It was about half an hour past eight, meaning he had been here for at least around 3-4 hours. He felt like he was drowning, sinking down into the deep waters of his horrid past. He tried his best to swim up, to get away from the memories, but it's like he forgot how to swim.

 

The clock felt as if it was mocking him, the loud ticks bouncing of the walls of his mind.

 

**_Tick._ **

 

_"I really like you Dean."_

 

**_Tock._ **

 

_"Matt please."_

 

**_Tick._ **

 

_"You're not a Winchester. Winchester's aren't queers."_

 

**_Tock._ **

 

_"Aww, is the little pansy crying?"_

 

**_Tick-_ **

 

The sound of glass hitting wood snapped Dean into focus. He looked up as the bartender sat the glass down. "After this, I'm gonna have to cut you off." He spoke.

 

 

Dean gave a hollow laugh "Do I look drunk to you?" The bartender smirked, "More like shit, to be honest." He watched as Dean downed the shot "I'm Matt," he held out his hand over the bar. "Dean." Dean shook his hand.

 

 

 

Matt picked up a glass and started cleaning it. "So what brings to Urbandale?" Dean gave him a questioning look, "how do you know that I'm not from here? I could be be born and raised for all you know." Matt shrugged "call it a gut feeling, I guess."

 

"Do I know you from somewhere?" Dean asked.

 

"I'm surprised you don't remember, Winchester."

 

\---

 

_Matt walked up to Dean's locker, waiting for him to get out of his class. He smiled as he saw Dean flying out of his class, relief on his face. "Hey Winchester," Matt smiled. "Hi Matt" he replied. Matt was Dean's only friend at Reynolds High. Not that it mattered. Dean was only gonna be there for like another week before it was off to another random town where death is the main course._

 

_Dean knows he shouldn't get attached, but something about Matt keeps him pulled in. Matt always knows what to do or say. Dean has only known him for about two weeks now, but he feels like he has known him forever._

 

_"Can I ask you something?" The question pulled Dean from his thoughts. "Yeah" he answered._

 

_"We're friends, right?"_

 

_That threw Dean for a loop. Why would Matt think they're not friends? "Yeah. 'course we are." Matt took in a breath, "so, how would you feel if I thought differently?"_

 

_Dean gave a confused look "what are you talking about? What's going on Matt?"_

 

_"I really like you, Dean. More than just friends."_

 

\---

 

"Holy shit, Matt!?" Dean was surprised, his sour mood sweetening up seeing an old _friend_. Matt chuckled, "nice to see you too, Dean."

 

"It's been about what, 20 years?"

 

"Time just flies, I guess."

 

Dean was wide eyed, "Wow. How did you know it was me? Twenty years has gotta make a difference."

 

Matt looked unsure for a second, before his face smoothed into a small smirk. Dean's eyes squinted in suspision. "Well Winchester, it's hard to forget someone as _beautiful_ as you."

 

Dean's suspision died; a deep red blush covering it's place. "T-thanks, Matt. You're quite, uhh, ha-handsome yourself." He was stuttering; thrown off by Matt's flirting. He forget how flirtatious Matt was.

 

Matt's smirk grew became he became a little more serious, "if you don't me me asking, what's your story?" Dean gave him a confused look.

 

"What I mean is, why are you here? Something must have happened for you to drown sorrows in cheap whisky. What was it?"

 

Dean gave a weak smile, "just family stuff, you know? I'm tired of all the crap, and had to get away for a bit."

 

Matt gave a smile. One that looked less friendly and more taunting. "It must be hard; your mother coming back from the dead and all."

 

"Wha-" before Dean could react, Matt smashed his down onto the bar, dazing him. Dean stumbled back and crashed into the floor, his vision was dimming. Matt laughed at him, sending a chill up his spine. He was standing over Dean, watching with amusment as he blinked.

 

"Matt? Wh-what's go-ing on?" Dean slurred. Matt gave another mocking smile, "poor, poor Dean" he sneered. "I'm not Matt." He reared back his foot before slamming it on it Dean's face, knocking him out cold.

 

The last thing Dean heard was the sound of Matt's laughter.

 

* * *

 

\---                     

 

_Dean gave Matt a shy smile, "I, uhh, I li-like you too, Matt." Dean mentally cursed. What was happening to him? Where was the smooth Dean that had people wrapped around his finger with just a smile? He knew why. Matt was different from the others. He made Dean weak at the knees by just looking at him. Dean truly liked him. Everyone else paled in comparison to Matt._

 

**_"W_ ** **_ake up."_ **

 

_Dean felt Matt grab his hand. He looked up and saw him with a huge smile on his face. "Thank God! I wouldn't know what to do if you didn't like me back."_

 

_Dean smirked, "good thing you'll never have to find out." Matt laughed, causing Dean's smirk to become a small smile as he listened. He liked everything about Matt, his laughter near the top of the list. Matt was perfect in everyway._

 

_**"Wake. Up."** _

 

_Matt grabbed Dean's other hand, holding them in front of his chest. "We have to celebrate!" He exclaimed, "what do you say, Dean? Jen's Diner. 6 o'clock. Will you meet me there?"_

 

**_"Wake up!"_ **

 

_Dean smiled, sqeezing Matt's hands. "It's a date!"_

 

_Matt leaned forwards, kissing Dean on the cheek. "It's a date!" He laughed as Dean froze. When he pulled away from him, Dean seemed to snap out of his trance. "Rememer Dean, Jen's Diner at six!" He reminded him playfully._

 

_All Dean did was nod as he watched Matt. "Bye Dean!" Matt winked. Dean finally spoke up as Matt walked away, "bye Matt! See you...later" his voiced died down and he stood akwardly by his locker, waiting for Matt to be out of sight._

 

_When Matt was completely out gone, Dean brought his hand up to his cheek. "He kissed me." Dean shot his fist into the air, "he kissed me!"_

 

_The bell rang in response, signalling that Dean was late. "Shit" he cursed, slamming his locker door shut and running to his next class._

 

**_"WAKE UP!"_ **

 

_\---_

 

Dean felt a fist smash into his face, causing his eyes to shoot open. "Son of a bitch!" He swore, trying to bring his hand up to rub his jaw. He looked down to see that he was tied up, rope tightened around his chest, trapping his arms.

 

"Finally! You're awake! I swear, for being a hunter you're quite the heavy sleeper." Dean looked up and saw Matt. Well, not Matt. It looked like Matt, but now Dean knew that it wasn't him.

 

"Where's Matt?" Dean asked fiercely, shooting daggers at the shifter.

 

The shifter shook it's head, "Dean, Dean, Dean. Always with the selflessness. That's gonna get you killed one day."

 

"I don't give a damn. Where's Matt, douchebag?"

 

The shifter laughed, "Don't worry your sad little head. Your boyfriend's alive. Although maybe not long. You see, I needed him alive so I can put his memories on my mental hard drive, but now, he's useless."

 

Dean struggled against the rope, trying to jump at the shifter. "Don't touch him, you prick!" Dean roared, anger flowing through his body.

 

"In not gonna be the one to kill him, Dean. You are." As the shifter said that, he began to shed his skin. Within seconds, he looked exactly like Dean; right down to the freckles. "But not before I pay a visit to your little family, W _inchester."_

 

"No! You stay away from them, you hear me? You stay away from Matt, or I swear I'll kill you! Understand? Get back here, asshole!" Dean thrashed against the rope, pushing forwards as he rocked around the chair he was tied to. He squirmed and pulled, trying to slip through his bonds, while watching the shifter walk away.

 

"Why are you doing this?" Dean shouted "why are you only attacking people who bat for the other team? Or both teams? What did _we_ ever do to _you_?"

 

That got the shifter to turn around, "oh that's priceless," He laughed. "You're really asking me _that_?"

 

Dean nodded in answer.

 

Suddenly the shifter got serious, any trace of amusment left it's face; as if someone flipped a switch.

 

"Listen," he started. "I'm just tryin' to survive. Doing what I have to do to make it. You understand, right?"

 

Dean shook his head, his worry only growing inside him, gnawing at him. "That still doesn't explain anything. What the hell are you planning?"

 

"All you need to know is that it's not personal, Winchester." The shifter winked, "I'm not attacking your 'kind' out of spite or anything. There is a _much_ bigger picture that is none of you concern. Everything will play out eventually."

 

Dean started to struggle again; twisting his body side to side, trying to loosen the ropes. "It damn well is my concern! What the fuck are you planning!?"

 

The shifter heaved a heavy sigh, "do you ever shut up?" He complained, "question after question, blah blah blah."

 

He started walking towards Dean, "I can't have you alerting someone with that constant yelling of yours. I'm pretty positive no one will you hear you, but, rather be safe than sorry, y'know?" He reared his fist back, "nighty night, Dean." The shifter socked him in the face, _hard;_ knocking Dean out instantly.

 

He smiled as he patted Dean down, making a small noise of triumph when he found the keys to Baby. "Can't go anywhere without these, can I?"

 

The shifter stole one more glance at the unconscious form slumped down in the rickety chair, before exiting the adandoned house.

 

He _had_ to get rid of the Winchesters. All of them. They needed to be out of the picture for the plans to fall in place. If he failed his mission, the punishment would be unimaginable.

 

The shifter gave a small sigh, " _fuck._ " He swiped his hand down his face.

 

He was _so_ screwed.

 

* * *

 

 

Sam heard the purr of the impala outside the motel room, glancing at Cas and Mary. They were having what seemed to be a staring contest. They both just sat there, glaring at each other.

 

The sound of knocking seemed to snap them out of it as they turned to look over at the door.

 

Sam gave a sigh before getting up, opening the door; revealing the form of Dean standing there.

 

He stood there awkwardly while Dean spoke up.

 

"Hiya, Sammy." Dean grinned.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I find my writing to be cringy, but I hope you liked it! I have a small idea in mind on how I want to go with this story! Stay tuned til next time.


	4. Avalanche

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Shapeshifter meets up with the others, playing the part of Dean. It doesn't last that long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 is finally up! It felt like weeks, even though I pretty sure it wasn't. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.
> 
> Warnings: violence, language, slight homophobia? I don't know if it counts as it tho.
> 
> There aren't any flashbacks this chapter.
> 
> Enjoy everyone!
> 
> (P.S. I really suck at summaries)

 

 

_"Hiya, Sammy." Dean grinned_

 

Sam huffed out a breath at his brother. "Are you drunk?" he asked, already giving Dean his famous bitch face.

 

Dean laughed and shook his head, pushing past Sam into the motel room. "Maybe. Does it really matter, though?"

 

Sam scoffed, "yeah, it does. You should've called one of us to pick you up. You could've gotten hurt, or worse."

 

"But I'm fine, ok? Nothing happened. I was able to get here on my own. I don't need a babysitter, Sam." Dean said defensively.

 

Sam held up his hands, "alright, jeez. I get it dude."

 

"I'm sure you do." Dean muttered.

 

Sam gave Cas a look when Dean turned around. "What happened?" He mouthed silently.

 

Cas gave a small shrug, turning to look at Dean as he sat down on the motel bed farthest from the door. "Are you okay, Dean?"

 

Dean waved him off, keeping his head in his hands as he talked. "Yeah, Cas, I'm fine. No need to worry 'bout me."

 

Mary sat at the small table, opting to glare at Dean now instead of Cas. "Well, we need to make sure your-" she made a small gesture with her hands, "- _present state_ won't screw up this hunt." Her tone was poisonous as she spoke, trying to take any chance she gets to talk down on Dean.

 

"Well, me being drunk is still better for the hunt than you in general, Mary." Dean spat, looking up to mirror her glare.

 

"Well, I-" Mary was cut off.

 

"Just. Shut. Up. Do you really want to walk into an argument right now? 'Cause you and I both know you'll lose. So you better park right now before you crash, and believe me; it _will_ be deadly." Dean growled.

 

Mary looked taken aback, before silencing herself and moving her gaze from Dean to Sam.

 

Sam rolled his eyes at her, "don't even think about it. I'm not helping you right now." He turned to Cas "did you find anything on locations?"

 

Cas shook his head, "no. I can't make sense of this. Look." He turned the laptop towards Sam "the details you gave me are turning up with nothing like you described."

 

Sam's eyebrows furrowed as he looked at the screen. A second later, he huffed out a small chuckle; the confusion disappearing.

 

"Uhh, Cas?"

 

"Yes?"

 

Sam chuckled again, "this is a gallery for a couples camping retreat. That's why everything is so...colorful."

 

Cas took another look at the screen, "I do bot understand" he frowned. "The nice robotic lady said she would help me find what I was looking for. Clearly, she must have been not telling the truth."

 

"...What?"

 

"The robot lady" Cas repeated. "I believe her name was Siri. She told me she could help, and I believed her. Sam, we must not trust this Siri," he said.

 

The sounds of Sam's laughter filled up the room. "Cas" he laughed, "Siri is an A.I., which stands for Artificial Intelligence. She must have gave you a list of articles when you asked her for help. You can't really rely on those things. Better to do it yourself."

 

"Oh. Well, uhh, if you don't mind, can you look for the location? I feel like you would do better," Cas answered.

 

"Sure." Sam said. He leaned over to Cas and started whispering, "can you check on Dean? Something seems off with him, and I can't put my finger on it."

 

Cas nodded and got up "I am worried for him as well. Something does not seem right."

 

"Thanks." Sam smiled.

 

As Sam got to working, Cas walked over to Dean; only to be stopped by Mary. "Something is wrong with your _boyfriend"_ she sneered; neither her nor Cas noticed Dean flinch at her choice of words. "I don't know what, but he seems worse than what he usually is."

 

"Nothing's wrong with me, Mary" Dean snuck up on them, causing her to jump. "The only thing wrong is that you all are _idiots._ " He mocked, the look on his face unnatural.

 

"I thought that sitting here and observing you morons would be simple." He paused, "but all it's doing is giving me a headache."

 

"Dean, are you okay? Tell us what is going on and we can help. You are not alone." Cas gave Dean a reassuring smile.

 

"Dean this, Dean that. Dean, Dean, Dean." He mocked, "I'll tell you one thing." He straightened himself up and smiled; a dark smile that chills up their spines, drilling into them a fear so deep that it would suffocate them.

 

"I'm not Dean."

 

It took one second for Cas to grab his angel blade and charge at the shapeshifter.

 

It took another for the shifter to snatch the blade out of Cas' hands, spin him around and hold the blade up to his neck; just as Sam and Mary pointed their guns at him.

 

"I wouldn't, _Sammy._ Not unless you want me to check 'kill an angel' off of my bucket list." He hissed, pressing the blade harder against Cas' neck.

 

"Where's Dean?" Sam growled.

 

"Always about Dean. I surprised you guys care about him - except for you, Mary. We all know you hate him. - he has some secrets up in that noggin' of his." The shifter smirked.

 

"You wouldn't _believe_ the type of crap that he keeps locked in his mind. It's disappointing, honestly. You would think the 'Great Dean Winchester' would be a bit more... _Great._ " He giggled at his joke.

 

"Shut. Up. Where is Dean? I won't ask again." Sam tightened the grip on his gun.

 

"Just shoot it, Sam! It's not gonna tell us anything." Mary insisted.

 

"Yeah, Sam! C'mon, shoot me!" He taunted. "But you might wanna be careful. Shooting me could trigger a reflex and, well, you would end up with two dead monsters and not a clue to where your brother is."

 

The shifter smirked, "your ball."

 

Sam's anger grew as he tried grasping at anything to give him the upper hand. He didn't want to hurt Cas, but he needed the shifter dead. Add on the problem that they don't know where Dean is; they would lose no matter what.

 

He snook a glance around the room, searching for anything as a distraction. Searching for anything to help him. His gaze landed on his laptop, a map splayed across the screen; an idea came to him.

 

It was risky and kinda stupid, but it was all Sam had.

 

He mirrored the shifter's smirk, "I don't need you to find Dean. We already know where he is." Sam locked eyes with him "and how are you gonna kill Cas if you're too busy choking on a bullet?"

 

In truth, they didn't know where Dean was yet. All they know was that the shifter's hideout was somewhere in the woods. Sam hoped that the shifer fell for it, so that maybe they could catch him off guard.

 

The shifter tilted his head, "huh. Guess I'll have to go with plan B then."

 

"What's plan -"

 

Before Sam could finish, the shifter threw Cas' body at them. He ducked against one of the beds at silver bullets were fired at him. He gripped the angel blade tighter and peeked a look over the bed; only to duck a second later as another round of bullets flew over his head.

 

As Mary was reloading, Sam looked at Cas. "You good?" He asked. 

 

"Yeah," Cas answered. "We need to find Dean, Sam. He could be anywhere in those woods."

 

"I know Cas. I just -"

 

"Sam! Watch out!"

 

Sam began to jump out of the way as he felt the angel blade pierce his side. He groaned as he swayed and fell to the floor.

 

"Shit, that hurts." He breathed out, reaching for the blade.

 

"Don't! The blade is keeping you from losing blood. Take it out and you will pass out from blood loss." Mary scolded.

 

"I know that" Sam hissed through clenched teeth. "I'm not an idiot." He turned over onto his butt and began scooting backwards until he hit a wall. Pain shot through him as he tried getting up; his legs were like jelly and he felt like he was suffocating.

 

"Stand down, Sammy." The shifter smirked. "You don't wanna hurt yourself, do ya?"

 

Mary lined up her gun with the shifter. She pulled the trigger, only for the gun to make a clicking noise. It was jammed. Great.

 

He smirked and began advancing towards her. "Tough luck," he sighed mockingly.

 

"You really should -"

 

He was cut off as Cas appeared out of nowhere and tackled him; sending both of them to the ground. "Cas, buddy! Glad that you've finally decided to join the fight. I was starting to think you were chickening out." He grinned.

 

Cas glared and slammed his fist into the shifter's face. Repeatedly.

 

The shifter only laughed. "That all you got, feathers? A bitch slap?"

 

Cas growled and reared back his fist again. As if in slow motion, the shifter glanced to his right; Dean's whiskey bottle rolled into view. He reached out and grabbed the neck of the bottle. Time seemed to speed up as he swung, smashing the bottle into Cas' head and knocking him out.

 

"Wow. Becoming less and less angel everyday, huh? You might as well be a human." The shifter muttered, "a real pathetic one." He got up and kicked lightly at Cas' side.

 

"Hey, freak!" Mary shouted, twirling a sliver blade in her hand. "Come and get me! It's obvious you've saved the best for last."

 

The shifter groaned, raising his fists and settling into a fighting stance. "Actually, I found it easier to try and take out the harder the targets. The one's that would cause the most problems for me." He glanced around the room, "and it worked. Huh, would you look at that."

 

Mary growled. "Just fight me, you disgusting freak. I'll kill you fast."

 

"Wait. Let me just put on my helmet and pads before we start. Safety first, ya know?" He said sarcastically.

 

Mary gave a small shout of frustration and began running towards the shifter. She raised her blade and swung down at him. He caught her arm; catching her by surprise. He squeezed her arm until she dropped her weapon out of pain. He twisted her arm at an unnatural angle and listened as a nasty _snap!_ Echoed through the room

 

"Fuck!" She cried, gasping as the shifter laughed at her pain.

 

"Ooh, did you hear that snap? It was like music to my ears! Do mind if I hear it again? ...No? Thanks, Mary! You are such a generous person." He giggled.

 

"No!" Mary sobbed. "No, please! Don't - AUGGHH!" Mary screamed in pain as the shifter broke her leg. He applied pressure to both of her injuries as she screamed.

 

"Your screams are just as fascinating." He whispered.

 

He dropped her broken body to the ground, causing her to gasp in pain.

 

He leaned over her body, smiling as she shook in pain. "I think it's time for a nap, don't you?" He kicked in her head like he did Dean earlier. Her shaking body went limp. He brought two fingers down on her neck, feeling for a pulse.

 

"Good. She still alive." He breathed in relief. Killing her now by accident was not on the agenda. He needed them all together for his plan to work.

 

A groaned sounded through the room, causing the shifter to look around; his eyes stopping on Sam's body. "Aha! Sammy what are you doing up? You're supposed to take a nap like everyone else." He joked as he walked over to Sam.

 

Sam slowly lifted his head, peering at him through hazy eyes. "De?" He slurred.

 

The shifter smirked, "why not? Yeah, it's me, Dean."

 

Sam's eyes widened in realization and horror; the pain from his wound screwing with him. "No. You're...you're not De."

 

The shifter shushed him, picking him up and carrying him bridal style; like he weighed nothing. He walked over to the door of the motel room, reaching one hand out to quickly open it.

 

Walking out of the motel room, he 'accidentally' hit Sam's head against the doorway; knocking him out cold.

 

"Woops." He giggled.

 

He walked outside towards the impala. He set Sam's body down against the car and popped open the trunk.

 

"I have a feeling that you won't fit well in the backseat. Or the passenger seat. So, in the trunk you go!" The shifter picked Sam back up and began maneuvering him into the trunk. When he finished, he shut the trunk and began walking back to the room.

 

"It's gonna be a _long_ night." He sighed, glancing around the room at Cas and Mary's unconscious bodies.

 

"It'll be worth it. Watching Dean Winchester suffer will be worth it. Everything it going _exactly_ how it's supposed to."

 

* * *

 

 

"Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey! Well, I don't have eggs and bacon, but well you - should uhh - you get it."

 

The four captives stirred, mumbling and shifting slightly in their sleep.

 

"Let's try this again." The shifter gave an awkward, impatient smile. "WAKE UP!"

 

They all shot awake when he yelled, looking around in a sleepy daze.

 

"Finally! Do you know how long it took to wake you guys up? Like 5 whole minutes! That's five more minutes than I have when it comes to patience." The shifter loudly clapped, waking them completely.

 

"Where are we?" Sam spoke up, glaring at the shifter as he stuggled against his bonds; wincing when he pulled at his wound.

 

"If I told you, then I would take all the fun out of it. And who doesn't like a little fun every once in a while, hmm?"

 

"Why are we here?" That was Cas. He studied the room before settling his eyes on the shifter.

 

"Once again, why would I tell you? All if this-" he gestured around the room with his hands. "-Has a bigger meaning. A bigger plot. Something more dangerous than a monster killing a couple of humans. But, you'll find out when the time is right."

 

Dean spoke up, giving his clone a tired glare. "And when is that?" He asked; face covered in boredom.

 

"Soon. You will all find out soon." The shifter gave an evil smile. 

 

"But for now, how 'bout we play a little game. One I like to call 'Spill Dean Winchester's Secrets'."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! First of all, I didn't intend for the chapter to so... dark? It just flowed out of me.
> 
> I tried at some humor with Sam and Cas, but I think I failed. Wanted to lighten the mood some before I dive into angst. Which I believe is going to be the center of the next few chapters.
> 
> Do any of you guys have Tumblr? I have one. Its @gracefultrenchcoat494. (Can you put links in notes? If you can, I dont know how.) 
> 
> All I do on there is reblog stuff. I dont really post anything, but I have been thinking about doing oneshots and stuff like that. I don't feel that confident in my writing sometimes.
> 
>  
> 
> Oh! And I almost forgot! Happy New Year!! Its Janurary 2nd when this chapter will be up soo... Happy Late New Years!!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter!! <3


	5. November 2, 1986

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The shifter decides he wants to play a game, and drags everyone with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, I am so so so sorry that I took so long to update! I dont have any excuses, other then school being a major pain in the ass, and some real bad writer's block. I finally updated though! I really didn't expect to take this long, and I am sorry. I hope you enjoy! Feedback is always appreciated!
> 
> Disclaimer: spn isnt mine, but it would be amazing if it was.
> 
> Warnings: violence, language, child abuse.
> 
>  
> 
> The Memories are in Italics!

 

_"But for now, how 'bout we play a little game. One I like to call 'Spill Dean Winchester's Secrets'."_

 

"Bite. Me." Dean glared, struggling harder against the ropes that bound him.

 

"Oh, Dean. Poor, poor, Dean. It just a couple secrets. Nothing bad that would hurt anyone, right?" The shifter smirked, circling Dean before stopping in front of him, gently patting his cheek.

 

"Or is it something that you're afraid of? Something that you think might disappoint your family." The shifter turned and looked at the other three. "To be honest," he turned back to Dean.

 

"The only person that's gonna have some hardships is you. I don't really plan on hurting them - well more then I already have - it's your time to shine in the pain department, Dean."

 

Dean felt a certain fear. A fear that hasn't greeted him for years. The shifter gave an evil grin at Dean's fear; it shown through his eyes.

 

The shifter walked away from Dean, towards a tray set on a table. He picked up a small, wooden bowl off of the tray and set it down on the table. He grabbed the rest of the things and set the tray aside. Picking up a small pouch, he opened it and sprinkled something in the bowl; whispering as he worked.

 

_"Firmamentum est animus ex memorias"_

 

He picked up a jar and opened it, taking a small handful of what was inside and dropping it in the bowl.

 

_"clavis est condita in anima"_

 

He set down the jar and picked up one of two blades and the bowl. Walking over to Dean, he made a long cut on the side of Dean's face, holding the bowl under his chin to catch the blood. When satisfied, the shifter walked over to the others, plucking a stand of hair from each of their heads and adding it to the bowl.

 

Everyone stayed silent; curious as to what he was planning.

 

He set down the bowl and picked another jar; this one smaller than the last. It had a glowing light green substance in it. He opened the jar and tilted it over the bowl.

 

_"_ _petere, ut liceat intrare ad mentem iustus ones"_

 

Finally, the shifter took the other knife and cut the palm of his hand, squeezing the blood out by making a fist.

 

_"_ _animum ad iustum Dean Wintoniam"_

 

A burst of green light jumped from the bowl; a roaring sound following.

 

The shifter continued chanting, this time louder than before. He turned to face the others and set the bowl on the ground; right in the center.

 

_"_ _petere, ut liceat intrare ad mentem iustus ones!"_

 

He had another grin on his face, one that said 'I know something you don't'.

 

_"animum ad iustum Dean Wintoniam!"_

 

Bursts of green light began shooting out of the bowl. Soon, the entire room was filled with this bright green light. All four of them felt like they were suffocating.

 

It didn't last long, for soon the green light disappeared, and everything was black.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean shot up, coughing as he woke. He looked around just as the others were waking.

 

They were no longer in the abandoned house. Everything was covered in black, like they were in some kind of abyss. Dean got up and starting walking around slowly, observing and inspecting the mystery place, trying to figure out where they are.

 

"Dean?" A hand landed on his shoulder, making him jump. He didn't hear any footsteps behind him. Come to think of it, Dean hadn't heard any of his own footsteps while he was walking around.

 

"Yeah?" He turned around, it was Sam. He had a concerned yet suspicious look on his face.

 

"Are you... you?" Sam asked hesitantly. He covered his side with his hand, keeping up his guard, bracing for another attack.

 

"Yeah," Dean sighed. He looked up at Sam, "where are we?"

 

"I don't know. Did you hear what the shifter was saying? It was Latin, but I couldn't really make it out. Something about memories was the only thing I could understand." Sam ran a hand through his hair.

 

"It was a spell." A voice piped up. The brothers turned to see Cas walking over to them, with Mary slowly trailing behind. She limped in pain and gingerly held her right arm.

 

"Why couldn't have you healed me fully? How do you expect me to do anything with a broken arm and sprained ankle?" Maroky whined.

 

Cas gave a frustrated sigh, rubbing his temple in an annoyed manner. "You're lucky I even healed you at all. I have very limited power currently, and I need to save some to heal Sam. I don't know if you remember clearly, but he was stabbed with an angel blade." He walked over to Sam and Dean, placing two fingers on Sam's forehead, before turning to Dean. "Do you want me to heal your cheek?" He asked.

 

"No." Dean answered, "I'm fine. It's not bad. Besides you gotta save your juice, remember?"

 

"Okay." Cas kept an eye on Dean and continued on. "Anyways, as I was saying, it was a spell. The shapeshifter used an old, ancient spell to drag us into Dean's mind. That's why he took Dean's blood and strands of our hair."

 

"What about his blood? You saw him, he added his own into the bowl. And what was that green stuff? It looked like angel grace, but isn't that stuff normally blue?" Sam questioned, going into Offical Hunter Mode.

 

"I don't know what the green substance was. I never seen it in my existence. As for his blood, the reason he used it was so that he had control of what happens here." Cas said. "Normally, Dean would have control due to the fact that this is his mind, but he altered the spell somehow and used his own blood."

 

"You got that right, Halo!" A cheery, sadistic version of Dean's voice piped up. The shifter appeared out of nowhere, walking towards them; his footsteps silent against the black abyss.

 

Dean growled, speed walking towards the shifter. "What the _fuck_ did you do?!" He grabbed the shifter's jacket, pulling at him. "Why did you bring us here?!"

 

The shifter gave a calm, but impatient smile. "Because, _Dean,_ " he pried Dean's hands from his jacket. "How else would we be able to play the game?"

 

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

 

"Oh, that's rich." The shifter chuckled, patting Dean on the shoulder. "You really think that I was just gonna spew some random stuff like 'Sam, Dean secretly hates you!' or something? I'm not an idiot. Whatever I would have told them, they wouldn't have believed. That's why - " he spread his arms wide, " - I brought us here. No denying, no avoiding, just the honest, pure truth. And besides, I don't like being called a liar."

 

Sam shook his head, "why? No matter what you do, we won't hate Dean. If that's what you're trying to accomplish, then you won't win."

 

Mary rose her left hand slightly. "Actually, I - "

 

"Not now, Mary." Cas shushed her, already knowing what she was about to say.

 

"You really think that's my goal, _Sammy?_ " The shifter asked.

 

"Then what is it?" Dean started to subconsciously move between Sam and the shifter, trying to protect his little brother.

 

"If I tell you, it'll ruin all the fun." The shifter smirked, "besides, I'm sure you guys will figure it out soon enough. But, why don't we get on with the game?"

 

"How does this 'game' even work?" Cas questioned, tilting his head at the shifter.

 

The shifter grinned, "It's easy! You guys don't have to do anything. Just sit back and relax, while I transport us into some of Dean's worst memories!"

 

Dean growled, and ran towards the shifter. He raised his arm to swing at him, when the scenery changed. They were no longer in the black abyss, but in a motel room. It felt different. Like they were there, but not at the same time.

 

* * *

 

Dean looked around, furrowing his brow in confusion. Suddenly, realization slammed into him, making him go wide eyed.

 

"Where are we?" Sam asked, looking around and inspecting the area.

 

"It appears to be a motel." Cas answered, tilting his head at Sam's question

 

"Wherever we are, it looks really old. Like 30 years." Mary commented.

 

Sam rolled his eyes, "I know that. I mean, _where_ are we? What memory?" Sam looked over at Dean, "Dean? You know where we are?"

 

Dean said nothing. All he did was stare straight at the motel door, waiting for something that he already knew was coming.

 

"Dean?" Sam walked over to him, placing his hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay? Do you know where we are?"

 

"November 2, 1986"

 

"What?" Sam questioned.

 

"That's where we are. It's November 2, 1986. Exactly 3 years after Mary died." Dean snapped out of his trance, looking over at Sam and the others. "If I remember correctly, this is about to get real ugly."

 

* * *

 

 

_A small, 7 year old boy bursts through the motel room. He has blonde hair; cut military style. Behind the boy, is a toddler, who is 3 and a half. The boy directs the toddler towards the motel bathroom, opening the door and gently setting him in there._

 

_"Listen, Sammy." The boy gently whispers, "you gotta stay in here, okay? Just until I knock on the door, alright?" He looks around, panicking, listening in for anything that might be close. "We'll have a code word, 'kay? You can choose."_

 

_Sammy smiled, clapping his hands. "Scooby doo!" He gave Dean a huge grin. "Scooby doo, Dee!"_

 

_Despite the situation, Dean smiled. All he wanted to do was hide in the bathroom with Sammy, but he couldn't. He had to protect him. For the last 3 years, Dean's dad had been drilling it in him to protect Sammy. That nothing else mattered besides Sammy being safe. 'Watch out for you brother, boy!' He would say. Dean's starting to get it. He's starting to catch on. He didn't matter, and he was okay with that. All that mattered was Sammy. "I'm gonna lock the door, 'kay? Just up here." Dean pointed to the lock on the door knob. "All I'm gonna to is turn this right here, and close the door." He turned the lock, looking at Sammy. "When I say the code word - "_

 

_"Scooby doo!" Sammy giggled._

 

_"Yeah, Scooby doo. When I say it, all you have to do is reach up and turn it back, okay?" Dean asked gently._

 

_Sammy nodded, giggling and grinning._

 

_"You have to quiet, too. Alright, Sammy? You gotta be quiet. And no matter what, don't open the door. No matter what you hear. Don't open the door, not until you hear the code word from me."_

 

_Sammy nodded again, this time not making any noise._

 

_"I'm gonna close the door now, okay?" Dean stood behind the door, quietly clicking it shut. When it closed, he ran over to the motel beds. Leaning down,  he pulled a duffel out form underneath the one closest to the door. Dean zipped open the duffel, shuffling around until he found what he needed. The canister he held was full of salt, and if he remember correctly, salt repels monsters._

 

* * *

 

 

"What's going on?" Sam asked, watching the memory play out in front of him.

 

"Yeah, I'm confused. I thought he said terrible memories. Like, I don't know, you dying or something?" Mary sneered.

 

Dean ignored her, in favor of answering Sam. "Something's gonna happen. Just wait."

 

"Dean." Cas looked at him, sympathy in his eyes. "It's alright if you're not feeling well. You don't have to hide anything from me nor Sam."

 

"I'm fine, Cas. Lets just get this over with."

 

* * *

 

_Dean held the canister of salt like it was a life line. It was hard to carry with his small hands, but he managed. He ran over to the door of the motel room, uncapping the salt. Before he could pour the salt down, the door burst open, knocking Dean back._

 

_A man walked through, an evil smile on his face. He looked to about in his late 40s to early 50s. With graying hair, and a suit on._

 

_"Hey, Dean-o!" The man spoke with scratchy voice, as if he smoked too many cigarettes. "How're you doin'?"_

 

_Dean scrambled up from his spot on the floor. He reached for the salt canister and held it in front of him. "Stay back!" Dean warned, his voice shaky. "Or I'll - "_

 

_"You'll what?"_

 

_"I'll... I'll... I..." Dean's voice died down as fear took over him._

 

_"See that's the thing. You can't do anything, you're just a kid." The man shook his head, flashing his eyes black. "It wouldn't be a fair fight. So that's why I'm gonna just kill you now and save my time." He walked forward, grabbing Dean's collar and hoisting him up, slamming him against the wall. Dean screamed in pain as a loud snapped through the room._

 

_"Was that your rib? Sorry." The demon asked sarcastically. "Your rib isn't going to be the only thing broken here in a second." The demon looked around as something dawned on him. He dropped Dean to the ground, ignoring his shout of pain, in favor of walking around._

 

_"Isn't there another child besides you? Like a three year old or something? Another brat?" He asked, walking around the motel room, checking spaces that could hide a small body._

 

_"Three and a half, actually." Dean sassed, "and he's not a brat." He slowly brought himself off the ground. "If you wanna find me, you gotta go through me." Dean was putting his training to work. Standing up tall, ignoring his pain when he shifted around, complete focus. The only task on his mind was to protect Sammy._

 

_Protect Sammy. Even if it costs your life._

 

_"Sassy one, aren't we?" The demon chuckled. "I have absolutely no problem killing you to find your brother. I'll take joy in it, to be honest." He walked towards Dean, raising his hand up._

 

_Dean went flying against the wall. Hard. Another snap could be heard as he screamed._

 

_"How 'bout I kill just you like your mother was killed? On the ceiling?" The demon raised his outstretched arm, and at the same time, Dean flew up higher against the wall. His body went up until his head hit the ceiling._

 

_Dean cried out, yelling for a help that wasn't coming. He failed. He tried his best to protect Sammy, and he failed. He was going to die. But he didn't want to. Realization hit Dean. He didn't want to die. He couldn't. Not while Sammy wasn't safe. Closing his eyes, Dean prayed. Prayed to the angels that his Mommy said were watching over him. He prayed at Sammy would be safe._

 

_Suddenly, Dean's throat started closing in on him. Snapping his eyes open, he gasped for breath and choked. All the while the demon watched with a perverse satisfaction. His eyelids started closing, and Dean felt himself starting to go limp. He struggled. Struggled to stay awake. Struggled on not giving in to the eternal sleep that welcomed him. It felt good, the sleep awaiting him. All he wanted was let go... and he did. Dean let go. He stop struggling. Just waited for the eternal sleep to take him._

 

_Then, he was falling._

 

_Wait. Falling?_

 

_Dean's eyes shot open and he gasped for breath. He chest heaved heavily as he took in air, raising his small hand to rub his throat. Coughing as he slowly sat up._

 

_"Dean? You awake boy?" A gruff called out. John Winchester, Dean father's, came into view, pulling Dean up by the arm._

 

_At first, Dean didn't recognize the voice, and let out a small yelp._

 

_"Dean!" John barked, glaring at him._

 

_Dean's senses finally cleared as he looked up at his father. "Daddy!" He shouted horsely, running up to John and hugging him. One-handed though. For some reason Dean couldn't move his left arm, and he didn't know why._

 

_"Get off me." John ordered, unwrapping Dean's arm from his legs, pushing him back. "And don't call me daddy, boy! You're not a baby."_

 

_Dean hissed slightly when John pushed him, feeling the effect of his broken ribs._

 

_"Don't tell me that when I pushed you, that I hurt you! I didn't even apply force." John scoffed, looking at Dean disappointed._

 

_"My chest." Dean pointed where his ribs were. "When the black-eyed man pushed me, there was a loud 'snap!' and it started to hurt. And I can't move my left arm."_

 

_"Great." John rolled his eyes. "First, you screw up and ruin my hunt. I couldn't get the information off the demon all because of you. I had to exorcise him, because I couldn't trap him. And now Second, you're hurt. Which means I have to get some stuff for your injuries, which costs money that we don't really have. I hope you know that all of this is your fault, boy!" John sighed, looking around. "And where is your brother?"_

 

_Dean gasped, he forgot about Sam! He limped over to the bathroom, knocking on the door. "Scooby doo!" He shouted horsely._

 

_A couple seconds later, a clicking sound was heard, and the bathroom door swung open. "Dee!" Sam squealed, flinging himself onto Dean._

 

_Dean hissed when Sam's head hit his chest, but he still wrapped his right arm around his baby brother._

 

_He felt big hands grab is shoulders, trying to pull him from his brother. He looked up, and saw John with a furious look on his face. "Sammy," Dean whispered. "Look who's home."_

 

_Sammy looked up past Dean, his eyes locking on John. "Daddy!" He squealed, letting go of Dean, and jumping on John._

 

_John caught Sammy, his look of anger morphing into a fake smile. "Hey, Sammy." John lightly tickled his stomach, getting a giggle out of the little boy. "Why don't you play with your toys and watch some cartoons, I gotta talk with your brother 'bout some big kids stuff, okay?" John set Sammy down aa he nodded, following him over to his small, little group of toys, and the T.V.. John picked up the remote, turning on the small T.V.._

 

_"19!" Sam giggled in excitement, "Dee says 19 is cartoons!" He picks up his toy car, and began driving around the floor._

 

_"Alright, bud, Channel 19!" John says with fake enthusiasm. He changes thw channel to 19, some random cartoon popping up on the screen. He turns it up slightly, setting the remote down and walking back over to Dean. "We'll chat outside, boy. C'mon."_

 

_Dean follows John, albeit hesitantly. They walked outside, John closing the motel door behind them. "What did you think you were doing?" John asked, his voice scarily calm._

 

_"Dad?" Dean questioned, lookong into his father's eyes._

 

_"What the fuck, Dean!" He yelled, feeling pride when Dean flinched. "What did you think you were doing? You ruined the hunt. I was close to getting a small lead on your mother's killer. I was close to figuring out something about the damn thing! But you had to go and fuck up, didn't you? I told you to stay in the motel room. I told you not to leave. One simple order and you can't even follow it."_

 

_Dean's lip quivered, his eyes watering with tears. "Sam - Sammy w - was hun - hungry and - "_

 

_"I don't give a damn! That demon was my only chance! It's gonna be years before I can get another lead like that!_

 

_"Dad I'm - " John, in complete anger, smacked Dean across the face. He looked down at Dean._

 

_"That's your fault, too. I wouldn't have hit you if you just listened for once, and didn't act like a brat all the fucking time!" John stepped past Dean, walking back to the motel door. "Come back in when you're done cryin' like a baby, boy! That's an order." John opened the door, stepped inside, and closed it on Dean._

 

_Dean held his right hand against his cheek, the stinging too much for him. Tears started to fall, and soon Dean was full on sobbing. He wiped at his eyes, desperately trying to stop his tears. His ribs hurt, he couldn't feel his left arm, his cheek stung. Dean felt pain all over his body, digging deep into him and gripping tight. He collaped onto the concrete ground, his legs giving out when he couldn't stand anymore._

 

_Dean sat there, crying for hours until he fell asleep._

 

* * *

 

 

Sam, Cas and Mary watched with different emotions as the 7 year old Dean slowly disappeared until they were back at the black abyss.

 

Sam watched the memory play out with anger - how could their father be so soulless? How could he treat Dean like that?

 

Cas watched with horror. He felt terrified when John starting yelling at Dean, even more so when he hit him. How could John be so hurtful? How could he act like that towards his own son?

 

Mary watched with disbelief. In her mind, John is perfect. He could do no wrong. She absolutely refused to think the John could act like that, and especially to a child.

 

"What the _hell_ was that!?" Sam was the first one to break the silence. "How could he be so... so _fucking heartless!?"_

 

"Sam, I - " Dean was cut off by Mary.

 

"There is _no_ way that John could ever do something like that! This can't be right. That shifter must've screwed with this or something! No way can John act like that! Ever!" Mary protested, refusing to believe John's true colors.

 

"C'mon, guys - "

 

"Then you clearly don't know him at all!" Sam argued, "He's _always_ been a major asshole! He barks orders, then yells when it wasn't done _exactly_ how he wanted. And the clear proof is right there! He abused Dean! _His own son!_ That is in no way right, and you must be crazy if you think that's justifiable!" Sam was fuming. How could Mary defend John, even after what they saw?!

 

"Sammy - "

 

"John was an amazing father! He would never do something like that! And besides, Dean probably deserved it!" Mary sneered

 

"You know what, _Mary?_ You can shove those words right up your - "

 

"ENOUGH!" Cas, who had been quiet the entire time, cut Sam off. "Just shut up! We don't have time for you guys to argue." He looked at Sam. "I agree with you. What John did was terrible, but we don't exactly have time."

 

Mary rolled her eyes, "why can't someone be on _my_ side for once?"

 

"Because you tend to be on the losing side the majority of the time." Cas replied without hesitation.

 

"More like all of the time," Sam mumbled, ignoring the look Mary gave him. Turning to Dean, he observed his big brother, trying to figure out how he was feeling.

 

Dean was quiet, the arguing being too much for him. He didn't like them arguing about him. It felt weird. To Dean, it felt like they were playing Tug of War, and he was the rope. Being pulled back and forth, back and forth, it didn't feel good. While he liked Sam sticking up for him, he didn't like all the attention that was on him. And seeing that memory again, the words that past John spewed echoing in his head, it made him question. Question if he really was a good hunter, or if he ruined this hunt, just like he ruined the one in the memory.

 

"Dean. Are you okay?" It was Sam. So _now_ he decided to listen? Dean ignored him, staring straight at nothing, waiting for the taken to continue on.

 

"Dean?" Sam tried again, walking up to his brother and placing his hand on his shoulder. He seems to be doing that alot now. Huh. Once again, Dean didn't answer, opting for staring at nothing. It didn't even look like Dean was breathing.

 

"I'm pretty sure he's not gonna answer you." That was Dean's voice, but it wasn't him. The shapeshifter appeared out of nowhere, walking towards the group.

 

This time, it was Sam who charged at him, a look of pure fury on his face. "What the _fuck did you do?!_ " He got in the shifter's face, glaring down at the thing that looked exactly like his brother.

 

"I started the game, of course." The shifter smirked at the look on Sam's face. "This was just the first round. There are plenty more to come."

 

"Why are you doing this?" That was Cas that spoke. His body language was calm, but on the inside, he was screaming.

 

"Why do you keep asking that question? I'm not gonna answer you. You'll have to figure that out on your own, bud, or I'll ruin the game." The shifter grinned. "Speaking of the game, why don't we get on with round two?"

 

The shifter snapped his fingers, disappearing as he did so. The scenery changed from the black abyss, and everyone tensed in anticipation.

 

But no matter what, they'll never be ready.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did y'all like it? Once again I'm super sorry for not updating for, like, 3 weeks, I think? Time just flew. Also, I can't remember what the Latin translates to, but I used google translate, so I'm sorry if its wrong from what was intended. I'm going to try my best to update soon! It's not for sure when, but I'm trying. I hope you liked it!


	6. I'm back!

Hi guys, so I know I said this will be on hold until further notice, but I'm back!

I feel so dramatic for putting this on hold, and I'm sorry if I made anyone worry.

 

 ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~it's only been, what, 10 days? I feel so bad for putting this on hold.

When I put it on hold, I was in a kinda dark place, and felt that it would take forever to get out of it. But here I am.

I'm still dealing with things. It all didn't go away. 

But I'm back in business, and chapter 6 will be up ASAP!

 

Thank you all for staying with me, even though I'm not sure why you guys would. Once again, I'm so sorry.

The hiatus chapter will be deleted, and so will this one in a couple of days.

With love, 

Grace <3

 


	7. First Kiss Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another look into one of Dean's memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK FROM THE DEAD!
> 
> Hewwo peoples!
> 
> I am so so so so sorry that it has taken me so long to update.
> 
> This chapter was actually supposed to be one really long one, but I realized how long it's been since I've updated, so I found an ending point and spilt it into two parts. 
> 
> I really have no excuse for not updating, but I just haven't felt the... urge to write.
> 
> I've been experiencing probably some of the worst writers block, but hopefully I'm back in the game permentally.
> 
> Sorry for keeping you so long, enjoy the chapter!

  
  
_ The shifter snapped his fingers, disappearing as he did so. The scenery changed from the black abyss, and everyone tensed in anticipation. _ _   
_ _   
_ __ But no matter what, they'll never be ready.   
  
  
  
They're at a high school this time, big bold letters spelling out 'Parker High School', on the building.    
  
Sam looks around, his eyes scanning over the various cars, looking a certain one out of the others. When he can't find the car, he turns to Dean. "Dean? Do you remember this place?"   
  
Dean slowly looks around, before settling his eyes on Sam. "Yeah. Went here freshman year for 'bout a month or two. It was some crazy ass ghost hunt that had John running in circles." There wasn't any emotion in his voice, but you could tell what he was feeling by looking in his eyes. Dean was scared. Why? Sam didn't know the answer to that question. Yet.   
  
"Looks like it's about to start, boys." Mary says, as she points to a familiar car pulling into the school parking lot.   
  
"Let's just get this over with, then." Cas spoke.   
  


* * *

  
  
_ The Impala pulled into the school parking lot, the ignition still running as a 14 year old Dean got out of the passenger seat. As soon as he closed the car door, the Impala sped off, leaving Dean standing in front of the school. He shook his head and sighed, walking to the doors of the school and going in. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Right as Dean walked in the school, a boy his age ran up to him, slinging his arm around Dean's shoulder as they walked. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Hey, Dean!" The boy said excitedly, grinning at him. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Hi, Eric." Dean responded, giving the boy, Eric, a small smile. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Y'know," Eric started, his grin becoming mischievous. "There's a party tonight, starts at 10. It's gonna be at Lucy Vett's house." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Who is Lucy Vett again?" Dean asked, confusion written on his face. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Eric gasped, placing a hand on his heart in mock horror. "Only the hottest female senior in this school! We can be classified as cool kids if we go to that party, and I don't know about you, but I'm going." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Dean frowned, "I can't go, Eric. I have to babysit my little brother while my dad is at work." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "C'mon, can't your brother watch himself? I'm sure he's responsible." Eric insisted. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "He's 10, so not really. And it's to short of a notice to find a babysitter. You can tell me all about the party, and your failed attempts to flirt with some seniors on Monday." Dean gave him a reassuring smile. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Deeaan," Eric pouted. "Please, can you come? You can take you brother with us. Your dad will never know." He flashed Dean his puppy eyes. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Eric's puppy eyes weren't as good as Sam's, but they were enough to make Dean crack. "Alright, Fine! I'll go with you to the party, but I can't take Sammy with us. I'll just have to put him to bed early." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "How're you gonna put him to bed? When I was 10, the last thing I wanted to do was sleep, so your brother might put up a fight." They stopped walking in front of Dean's locker. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Dean opened his locker, preparing for class. "I don't know." He sighed, pulling a couple of books out of his locker, securing them in his arms. "I'll just... I don't know." Dean closed his locker, leaning his head against it. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Eric suddenly grinned again, a spark lighting up his brown eyes. "You can crush up benadryl into his drink at dinner." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Dean's head snapped up from against his locker. He turned to Eric with an incredulous look painted on his face. "I can't drug my brother!" He whispered shouted, his eyes darting around to see if anyone heard what Eric said. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Yes, you can! And it's not drugging, it's making sure he has a good night's sleep." Eric gave Dean a look, "you can do this! It won't hurt him, just knock him out cold for the night." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Dean sighed, "even if I do it, - and that's if - I don't have any benadryl." He remembers that they ran out a couple weeks ago, when Sam had a major head cold. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Well, you're in luck, my friend. We have benadryl at my house. I can bring it over during dinner time." Eric saw the look on Dean's face, "just tell your brother your having a friend over, and don't worry, I'll wait to your dad leaves before I come over." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Dean gave in, shaking his head at his ~~temporary~~ best friend. "Okay, come over at 7. He'll be gone by then." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Eric grinned, adjusting his backpack. "Great! Oh, and I wanted to tell you that I won't be here on Monday. I have to go to a funeral." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Dean blinked, surprised at Eric's bluntness. Most kids would say that they have a 'family emergency' or something. But, no, Eric just threw it out there all casual like, and he still had that grin on his face when he said it. "Wow, okay. Who is it for?" Dean's eyes widened when he realized what he asked. He quickly - and clumsily - tried to fix his mistake. "You, uh, d-don't have to, uh, tell me if it's, um, unc-comfortable for you." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Eric's grin formed into soft smile at Dean's stuttering, he never ceases to be adorable. "It's my uncle's funeral, but I never knew him. Apparently, my dad and him had a really big falling out, and my uncle left before I was born. They found his body a couple of days ago in town. So, the cops are assuming he came back for something, but they don't know what yet. My dad has been in real bad shape since. It must have hit him really hard." Eric's smile fell into a frown towards the end of his speech. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Dean panicked, not knowing what to say to console Eric. "Oh, shit, Eric. I'm sorry! I shouldn't have asked - " _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Eric cut him off, his smile coming back. "It's alright, Dean. Not your fault what happened." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Dean returned the smile, about to say something when the bell cut him off, it's loud ringing startling the two boys. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "See you at lunch?" Eric asked. _ _   
_ _   
_ __ "Yeah. See you." Dean watched as Eric walked to his class. He sighed, straightening himself before walking to his class, his mind filled with millions of questions.   
  


* * *

  
  
Sam looked at Dean, who was staring at the retreating figure of the boy named Eric. He had a small, sad smile on his face, but when he caught Sam looking, it disappeared. "Are you alright?" Sam asked softly, analyzing Dean for any other signs of hurt.   
  
Dean cleared his throat, looking away from Sam's gaze. "I'm fine, just... I remember him." He said that with so much emotion, that it clouded up the room. There was something behind what Dean and Eric had, and Sam wanted to know. He wanted to know what happened, so he knew how to comfort Dean. He'll figure it out soon, though. For what happens, is the reason Eric's memory is plagued with with such profound pain and sorrow.   
  
Mary cut into the brotherly moment, making a snide comment about Eric. "Aren't these memories supposed to be terrible, or something? The only thing terrible so far, is your boyfriend. He's giving me a headache just by talking. It's annoying." She scrunched up her face for added dramatics.   
  
Dean whipped his head towards Mary, right when those words left her mouth. "Shut. Up." He growled, his eyes blazing with sudden anger. "You don't know anything about Eric. He doesn't deserve you talking about him like that. You need to shut up, and stop acting like a bitch." Dean got in her face, breathing heavily with anger, and hate in his eyes, directed towards Mary.    
  
"Dean." Sam said firmly, pulling him back away from Mary by the shoulder. "She meant nothing by it, I'm sure. Just calm down." Sam spoke to Dean in a soothing voice, looking at him straight in the eyes, willing him to stay calm.   
  
Dean took deep breaths. In and out, in and out. He closed his eyes, the face of Eric helping calm him. "He doesn't deserve the way you talk about him." Dean whispered, his voice shaky and thick emotion. A tear rolled down his cheek, "he didn't deserve what happened to him. He didn't deserve any of it." Dean turned away from Sam when he felt more tears run down his cheeks.    
  
Cas placed his hand on Dean's shoulders, "Dean, we're here for you. If you need to cry, then cry. We won't judge. Everything is going to be okay."   
  
Dean choked back a sob, holding his hand against his mouth, using his other hand to wipe away his tears. He took in a breath, calming himself down, before turning to face Cas. "I'm alright." He breathed out shakily. "You don't need to worry. I'm fine. I just wanna finish this, if it's okay with you guys."   
  
Cas nodded, glancing at Sam and Mary before looking back at Dean. "Okay." He said gently.   
  
Dean turned away from them, facing his younger self as the memory began playing again.   
  


* * *

  
  
_ It was Sunday when Dean got the call. The telephone on motel room ringed, and Sammy got up to answer. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Hello?" He asked cautiously. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Dean?" It was Eric. His voice was shaky, and he sounded like he was crying. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "No, this is Sam. Why do you need Dean?" _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "My n-name is E-Eric. I'm a fr-friend of Dean's." Eric was a second away from sobbing.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Sammy heard the tears in this boy's voice, and he remembered the boy named Eric from Friday night, when Dean said he was bringing over a friend. Something must've happened.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Something bad. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Hold on Eric, I'm getting Dean right now." Sam dropped the corded phone, not caring as it swung and hit the wall. He ran over to Dean, who fell asleep at the small table in the kitchen. Shaking him, Sam shouted in his ear. "Dean! You gotta wake up! Eric's in trouble!" _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Dean mumbled, turning his head away from Sam and continued sleeping. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Fine. I have to do this the hard way then." Sam muttered to himself. He ran over to the cabinets, climbing onto the counter and opening the first one he saw. Grabbing a small glass out of it, Sam carefully jumped off the counter and ran to the sink. He filled the glass up halfway with icy cold water and hurried back to Dean. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Sorry, Dean." He whispered. "But I need you to wake up." _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Sam slowly poured a small amount of water onto Dean's head, but that was all it took. As soon as the water touched Dean, he jumped up in alarm.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Sammy, what the hell!?!" He shouted, shivering as the water ran down his back. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Sam set the glass down on the table. "You wouldn't wake up! I tried shaking you, but all you did was turn away!" _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "What did you need me for?" Dean calmed himself down, not wanting to be upset with Sam. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Eric's on the phone, and he's crying!" Sam said.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "What!?" Before Sam could answer, Dean scrambled into the other room, snatching up the phone and putting it against his ear. "Eric? Eric, are you there?" _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Dean?" Eric asked shakily. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Yeah, I'm here, Eric." Dean answered softly. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Dean, th-they k-killed my D-dad. Fi-first my u-uncle, now m-my Dad. My D-dad's d-dead. H-he's dead." Eric sobbed, barely able to get out his words. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Dean didn't hesitate to respond. "Where are you?" _ _   
_ __   


* * *

_   
_ _   
_ _ "Eric!" Dean shouted, tightening his grip on Sammy's arm as he pulled him through large crowd of people. When he managed to squeeze his way to the front, he pushed Sammy In front of him, and tried passing under the yellow police tape.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ A police officer noticed Dean trying to sneak himself and Sammy past the police tape. He came over pushing them back behind the tape. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Hey! You two get back behind the tape! Can't you see this is a crime scene, not a playground!?" He shouted roughly, catching the attention of other bystanders, officers, and Eric. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Eric leaned over from where he sat in the back of the ambulance. When he saw it was Dean and his little brother, he jumped from the back of the ambulance and ran towards them both. "Dean!" He sobbed in relief. _ _   
_ _   
_ __ "Eric!" Dean shouted back. He ducked under the police tape, keeping his hand tight on Sammy's. He let go of Sammy's hand to hug Eric, letting the tears he's been holding in fall.

 

_ Eric had a death grip on Dean. He sobbed into Dean's shoulder, soaking his shirt with tears. “Dean.” He whispered. _

 

_ “I'm here, Eric, don't worry. Everything's gonna be okay.” Dean murmured, rubbing his hand up and down Eric's back gently. _

 

_ He steered them back towards the ambulance, walking slowly back to where Eric sat. Sammy followed close behind quietly, not wanting to interrupt the two boys. _

 

_ Dean sat down next to Eric in the ambulance, quickly help Sammy up before turning to Eric. He rubbed his hand up and down Eric's back as he talked. “What happened, Eric?” He asked gently. _

 

_ Eric began to son again, the memory of his father's death to fresh in his mind. _

 

_ “Shh, Eric, everything's going to be okay. You're going to be okay.” Dean reassured him gently, leaning closer to hug Eric. _

 

_ “M-My D-Dad… h-he's de-dead.” Eric's eyes widened as he said that, as if he just realized what happened. “Oh God, h-he's r-really dead. He's dead!” Eric sobbed harder. _

 

_ “Shh, shh, shh. Its okay, Eric, everything is okay.” Dean continued to comfort Eric until he calmed down. The sobs reduced to quiet sniffles as Dean whispered comforting things in Eric's ear to help him. _

 

_ “I'm sor-ry.” Eric hiccuped, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.  _

 

_ “It's okay.” Dean continued to run his back. “Can you tell me what happened? Its okay if you can't, Eric. Don't worry.” _

 

_ Eric nodded, sniffling again as he snuggled up to Dean. “My Mom took my little sister out to find a dress for the funeral tomorrow. It was supposed to be today, but tomorrow was my uncle's birthday. I guess my Dad thought that it would be best. Anyways, it was just my Dad and I at home, and the lights began flickering a lot. My Dad went outside to check the electrical box, and a minute later I heard him screaming. I ran outside and saw my Dad on the ground, dead.” Eric was sniffling and hiccuping, almost all of his words coming out in a stutter. _

 

_ Dean's brows furrowed as he heard Eric explain what happened. Flickering lights? That sounds like something supernatural. Dean really hopes it isn't, but at the same time, he does. If it were a regular psychopath going around killing Eric's family, he wouldn't be able to do anything. But if it were a spirit, something supernatural, Dean would be able to help Eric, and stop his family members from dying. _

 

_ “Hey, Eric, did you see what the person who killed your dad looked like? Anything is useful.” Dean asked gently yet urgently, slowing running his hand up and down Eric's back to relax him. _

 

_ “I… it was nothing. I didn't see anything.” Eric lied. _

 

_ “C'mon Eric, you can tell me.” Dean looked him in the eyes, “you can trust me.” _

 

_ Eric let out a deep sigh, rubbing his sweaty hands against his pants. “Ok.” He took a deep breath, “I saw this… person. He was… um.” Eric stopped, looking away from Dean as he rubbed his elbows. A sigh that should Dean how scared he was. _

 

_ “It's okay, Eric. You can do this.” _

 

_ He nodded. “The person I saw was floating.” Eric whispered ‘floating’ like it was a secret between the two of them. Of course, Sammy tried to listen all the while giving them their privacy. He was new to the whole monster thing, and just recently found out what goes bump in the night. _

 

_ “his skin was this… sickly gray color, and he looked like he was from the 1930's. He had a ripped up suit on, and he had marks around his neck, and hands. It looked like bruises or… cuts. I just… who was that, Dean? What was that?” Eric looked at Dean with pleading eyes that begged for an answer.  _

 

_ ‘He needs to know what happened to his Dad,’ Dean thought. ‘He needs to know the truth.’ _

 

_ “Eric… what I'm about to tell you… you cannot tell anyone one else.” Dean voice was deadly serious. His eyes gleamed an unknown danger. _

 

_ Eric swallowed roughly, his face painted with fear. “What?” He asked in a small voice. _

 

_ Dean opened his mouth, and began telling the truth. _

 

* * *

__

 

“Dean…”

 

“Don't, Sammy.”

 

Sam's memory of that year hit him like a truck.

 

“I'm sorry.” _   
_ _   
_ __   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I am super sorry that it has taken me so long to update. Id like to thank whoever has waited patiently for me, and I want to say I love you all for it <3.
> 
> I'm starting chapter 8 right now
> 
> (I can't wait!)
> 
> Btw I'm sorry that Mary is such a bitch, That's just how I write her.


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